June 19th, 2025. 9:32 am. Sitting at my desk in a classroom with 7 high school behavioral students watching CNN 10. My phone lit up displaying my amazing surgeon’s name. He also happened to be my cousin, so no way could he be delivering bad news! “We got your test results back and it’s a little bit of cancer, but you will meet with my colleague Wednesday and we will get right on a plan.” Suddenly the world wasn’t moving, there were no longer the noises in my classroom that were once filling my ears, but just pure silence. “Okay, no it’s okay I need to tell her.” were the only words that could come out of my mouth…My mom, I have to tell my mom. My dad, I have to tell my dad. Crap, my brother, I have to tell my brother. How do I tell them all I have cancer?
No sooner did I hang up that call I found myself in my colleague’s office sobbing as a million thoughts danced in my head. A little bit of cancer? No way there is no such thing as a little bit of cancer. Merkel Cell Carcinoma….what in the world is that? All they did was take a little pimple out of my arm how could that be cancer? How can this be happening to me when I am 33 and have a nephew waiting to play with me at his house and a new one on way. How could this be happening when I finally have learned to love myself as I am? How could this be happening to me when for the first time in my life I feel like all things are going right!
The world seemed to remain still as I called my parents, my brother and my best friend to tell them all the dreadful words that I had just heard. They all responded the same way, a calm composed demeanor and the same message, “WE are going to beat this, you are going to be okay!” Deep inside I knew the journey ahead was going to be unlike any journey I had been on before and would test me mentally, emotionally and physically like nothing in life ever had done before, but what I didn’t realize in that very moment was this very journey was going to lead me on a path to begin to not ask “why me”, but “what is my purpose behind the WHY?”